


Lost without you.

by fxlminare



Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [32]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy Blake - Freeform, Bellamy Blake Imagine, Bellamy Blake Insert, Bellamy Blake fanfiction, Confused Bellamy Blake, F/M, In Love Bellamy Blake, POV Bellamy Blake, Protective Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22464685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxlminare/pseuds/fxlminare
Summary: Request:"Where the reader left with Clarke after everyone from mount weather died and finally made a reappearance 3 months later and Bellamy is with Gina but knows he wants to be with the reader and the reader feels the same way"
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Gina Martin, Bellamy Blake/Reader
Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110968
Kudos: 7





	Lost without you.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: so... it came out a bit angsty but it's fine. Enjoy ♡

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I had had my ass kicked by Lincoln that morning, yet again, before being informed of my mission for the day: take the Rover near Azgeda territory to check the borders. Again. I didn't like the Grounders, but the Azgeda clan seemed worse than the rest by far. I took Raven and Monty with me, allowing Jasper to come too so that he'd get some much needed air. In the end, Octavia ended up showing up too with her horse, which shouldn't have come as a surprise.

\- "Seems pretty quiet around here." -Raven spoke as she looked through the driver's window- "Less work for us."

\- "Wait." -Monty rose his hand to make her go silent- "There."

We looked to the map on his tablet, seeing some type of signal from another ship that we had given for lost months ago. We decided to go check it out which I quickly realized was a bad idea since Jasper was with us and he seemed to have no respect for his life, approaching one of the Azgeda Grounders we found in our way which, evidently, derived into a fight.

\- "Jasper, low!"

Octavia yelled at him and, to my surprise, he actually listened, throwing himself to the floor just as she threw her sword at the Grounder behind him. I heard the neighing of another horse approaching us from behind the Grounders so I rose my gun in that direction as Octavia got rid of another one, the one left on his horse soon landing on the mud with an arrow on his back. I had no idea what was going on, prompting the rest to move back towards the Rover when the new rider showed up. I couldn't believe my eyes, _Y/N?_ I moved my gun down as our eyes met, I swear the world stopped for a second, all the feelings I had tried so hard to bury, resurfacing in an instant.

\- "Y/N?" -Raven spoke surprised, walking past me towards Y/N as she got down from the horse- "Oh, God, I'm so happy to see you!"

I was stuck in place, watching everyone else approaching her as I just looked at her. She broke my heart when she left with Clarke; I had asked her not to, I pleaded her to stay with me, to figure this out with me, but she insisted she needed time and argued she couldn't leave Clarke alone. I had watched her go with a horrible feeling in my chest and tears in my eyes for, even if we have a truce with the Grounders, I couldn't help but worry I'd never see her again. As time passed, I tried to move on, meeting new people around the camp, meeting Gina. She had made me feel better, she was always there to listen to me and, not too long after we met, I asked her out. She had smiled and questioned if I was sure, asked if I was really ready to move on. Maybe I had rushed into it, but I desperately wanted to get rid of the pain in my chest. Needless to say, seeing my reaction in that moment, it hadn't worked.

\- "I'm glad to see you guys too, you all look good." -Y/N's happy voice brought me back- "Did they tell you who they were looking for?"

\- "Yeah." -Octavia answered- "Wanheda."

\- "Yeah, that's Clarke." -Y/N sighed- "We parted ways a month ago, haven't been able to find her ever since."

\- "What do they want her for?"

\- "No idea but it can't be good."

\- "It's been quiet without you." -Jasper chimed in, Y/N's eyes landing on his neck.

\- "You, my friend, you need a doctor." -she moved her hand to her belt, taking a couple of leaves from it- "Put this to the wound, it'll help."

\- "Kane's radioed, saying we have to go meet him." -Octavia explained to Y/N- "How do we do this?"

\- "I'll take Jasper with me." -Y/N was quick to devise a plan- "Anyone wanna come back with us?"

\- "Yeah, me." -Raven nodded as Y/N walked back to get her horse- "I've had enough of these woods for today."

I heard Y/N's laughter that I had loved since it first reached my ears, looking down at my hands still not knowing what to do when I felt eyes on me so I rose my gaze to meet them: Y/N's; a small smile finding its way to her lips. She looked so good but I couldn't find the words. I feared what I'd say.

\- "I assume you'll go meet Kane." -she walked up to me, squeezing my upper arm- "Be careful."

She walked past me with her horse; I watched her helping Raven onto Octavia's horse before jumping on hers, taking Jasper behind her with Octavia's help.

\- "Y/N, wait!" -I walked up to her, finally unfrozen- "You... you look good."

\- "You look good too, Bellamy." -she looked down at me, there were so many emotions in both her voice and her expression; I wished she'd stay so I could decrypt what it all meant- "I'll see you back in camp."

I nodded, patting her horse and standing there like an idiot, watching her go and disappear in the distance. I had to admit, after the initial shook, I could breath a bit better now that I knew she was okay.

\- "You look good?" -Octavia stood next to me with her arms crossed- "Witty."

\- "I wasn't expecting to see her again."

\- "Is that your excuse?" -she rose her eyebrows at me- "Let's go, we don't wanna anger Kane more than he probably is."

\- "No, no we don't."

I sighed, getting in the Rover on the copilot's side as Monty drove. We were in silence for the majority of the trip and I found that time was enough for me to go over my thoughts and my feelings. I had felt the warmth in my chest when I saw Y/N today, the same warmth I felt whenever I had her around. Maybe, if I had told her then how I felt, she would have stayed. But I had been too scared then, too scared of being rejected and left alone. _And what have I gotten from that decision? Still a broken heart plus an empty space in my life that I had been trying to fill since she left._ I really liked Gina, she was so good, so gentle and caring but she wasn't Y/N and I had to be honest with both of us. I was just mad at myself it had taken me seeing Y/N again to realize I was only using Gina, which was the last thing I had ever wanted to do. I was a jerk.

**\-------------------**

**YOUR POV**

I had been meaning to get back to camp for a while now but I was too afraid of seeing Bellamy again, of seeing him having moved on. It was hypocritical of me to think like that for I had been the one to leave but I hadn't been ready then to confess how I felt and, as time passed, I realized maybe my time with Bellamy had too. Maybe I had lost the opportunity to see if we could work out as something more than friends, and it was totally my fault.

I had separated from Clarke after the two-month mark. No particular reason behind that decision but we both figured we needed time away from each other too. I had felt the Grounders following me for a while, not fully comprehending to what extent things had gone wrong until I got one of them to talk. I had looked for Clarke after that, never finding her, hoping the Grounders weren't getting lucky either. That was how I came across my old friends: following a group of Azgeda Grounders around. My eyes had settled on Bellamy instantly and, for a moment, it was like no one else was there; he looked exactly like I remembered him which I wasn't completely sure if it was good or bad news for, maybe, it meant he hadn't been able to make peace with everything that had happened.

\- "So..." -Jasper whispered behind me- "How's living in the woods?"

\- "Are you putting pressure on your wound?"

\- "Yeah."

\- "I love it." -I chuckled, finally seeing Arkadia in the distance, prompting my horse to go faster and doing the same with Helios- "You know I've always loved sleeping under the stars."

We finally got inside, jumping down from my horse and asking a guard to take Jasper to the infirmary immediately, moving back to Helios and seeing Raven looking a bit uncomfortable. I knew she was still dealing with her leg from the look in her face so, I simply commanded Helios to lay down, which made it much easier for Raven to get down.

\- "Mind if I join you?" -she questioned as I took Helios' reigns.

\- "Of course not." -I chuckled, handing her the reigns and moving to take my horse's, Abaccuss- "You have to catch me up."

\- "I will." -she nodded, walking with me to guide me to the place they had built assigned for horses- "Where did you get him?" -she pointed at Abaccuss.

\- "I won him from a Grounder who was pissing me off." -she eyed me with furrowed eyebrows- "Don't ask me, you don't want to know."

I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with Raven; I wouldn't lie, I had missed having someone to talk to from time to time. She caught me up on how things had been going during the three months I left, how the gardens and food and water storages worked, the electricity... everything. But there was still something she hadn't mentioned once or, more so, someone.

\- "What about Bellamy?" -I finally asked, unable not to- "Is he okay?"

\- "Yeah, I think so; although, he looked pretty taken aback when he saw you today." -she walked with me to have dinner, for it was night time now- "He's missed you, Y/N, so much. It was so sad seeing him dragging his feet around camp after you left, it's like you broke him."

\- "I think you're exaggerating, it's not like I broke his heart like I broke mine."

\- "What?" -she faced me as I realized what I had just admitted out loud- "Oh, I knew it." -she smiled- "Why did you leave, then? I mean, if you felt anything for him, why leave him behind?"

\- "I needed time alone to think, to figure myself out. To figure out if I really felt about him the way I thought I did."

\- "And?"

\- "My heart stopped for a moment when I saw him today. God, I've missed him so much." -I sighed, rubbing my temples- "Just tell me he's been okay."

\- "Well, he's got some help..."

\- "That's what I feared, even if it makes me look like a horrible person." -I looked at the sky- "Maybe it's for the best; if he's happy, that's all I want for him."

**\---------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

Meeting with Kane had been a waste of everyone's time for he only told us what Y/N had already warned us about. Looking for Clarke had also been useless for she was nowhere to be seen. We had all ended up agreeing to go back to Arkadia, rest and come back out early in the morning with provisions to keep searching for her. And I knew just who I wanted in my team: Y/N. I had to talk to her but, the main reason she ought to come with us was she had been living in the forest for months, she'd know how to move there and the places where Clarke would set to spend the night.

As we entered back to camp and I got down from the Rover I couldn't help my eyes from looking around for Y/N, disappointed that she was nowhere to be seen. I hoped she hadn't left again.

\- "Hey."

Gina's voice came from behind me, making me turn around to look at her, realizing what was coming now, dreading it too. She had been so good to me, she deserved more than I could give her. I think we both knew that.

\- "Hey."

\- "You okay?"

\- "Yeah, why?"

\- "I've seen Y/N." -she smiled at me- "I've talked with her."

\- "You... have?"

\- "Yeah, I didn't tell her who I am, I mean, I didn't tell her how I know you." -she chuckled- "I had to know how she felt about you." -I gulped, this was not a conversation I thought I'd ever have to have- "It's time."

\- "Time for what?"

\- "For me to move on." -she hugged me, almost not giving me time to react- "She's at the guard post that oversees the lake."

She pulled back, kissing my cheek and turning around to leave.

\- "Gina, wait." -she looked back at me- "I'm sorry."

\- "Don't be; I knew this day would come. You still whisper her name at night. " -she smiled softly- "I'll see you around. Goodbye, Bellamy."

\- "Goodbye, Gina."

A bittersweet smile on my lips as I watched her go, turning around towards where I knew Y/N was now, thinking of how to approach the situation. I couldn't just barge into her and kiss her like I should have done when she left. I couldn't just yell my feelings at her like I had wished I had done as she disappeared in the forest. I sighed, breathing deeply before I walked up to the post, going up the stairs and finally seeing Y/N. She didn't seem to have heard me. She was alone up there, body propped forward on her hands that rested on the railing, watching the calmness in front of her. I smiled to myself, wishing I could take a picture of her.

\- "Y/N..."

\- "Oh, hi." -she turned around to look at me- "Sorry, I was kind of... thinking." -she smiled, moving a strand of loose hair behind her ear- "You found her?"

\- "No, but we'll leave early in the morning to keep looking." -she nodded before facing the forest again- "Will you come with me?"

\- "Yeah. You could use my help out there."

\- "Yeah."

A comfortable silence fell between us. Y/N's eyes focused back on the night landscape in front of us but I couldn't have been bothered by it, only having eyes for her. The light of the moon reflected on her face as the flames from the torch to her right did so too. I smiled, looking at the floor for a moment, thinking of all the times we had been alone next to the fire back when we landed.

\- "I've met her." -she finally spoke but not moving to meet my eyes- "I've met Gina. I like her."

\- "She's been a good friend during these past few months."

\- "I know she's been more than that." -I saw the corner of her lips turning up into a smile- "A friend wouldn't question a stranger about their feelings for you out of nowhere."

\- "Y/N..."

\- "Hey." -she finally turned around- "It's fine, I didn't mind." -she chuckled- "It was cute, she cares a lot about you, you know that, right?"

\- "Yeah."

\- "She laughed when I told her I wasn't going to get in between you two; I mean, why else would she want to know if I love you?" -she looked back at the lake avoiding my eyes- "I told her I'd leave again if she didn't want me here but her answer was not what I expected."

\- "Why?"

\- "She said that, if I leave again, you'd follow me. She said you've been... depressed since I left."

She sounded really confused by Gina's words; I was too but not for the same reasons, more so, because I didn't expect Gina to talk with Y/N, let alone act as my wingman with her. I hadn't pictured a scenario in which Y/N would leave again but, as I thought about it, I realized Gina was right. I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself this time if I allowed her to disappear in the woods without telling her how I felt. Without trying.

\- "Look, Bellamy..." -she sighed, regaining my attention, watching her shoulders drop- "I'm not here to fuck up your relationship. Gina seems to be a really good person and the last thing I'm here to do is hurt someone so nice; someone that has treated you so well and cared for you for months. That's not who I am and definitively not who I want to become."

\- "Gina broke up with me."

\- "I hope I don't have anything to do with that." -she turned around with narrowed eyes- "I should leave; I can't hurt anyone if I'm alone in the forest."

\- "Don't." -I pulled her back as she attempted to walk past me towards the stairs- "I can't watch you leave again."

\- "Then don't look." -she got rid of me- "If you really feel anything for that girl just go look for her. I'm sorry I came back."

\- "I'm not."

\- "You're not what?" -she sighed, shaking her head ever so slightly as she faced me again.

\- "I'm not sorry you came back; if anything, I'm relieved to see you again. I've missed you, Y/N. So much."

I saw her angry façade drop to pieces as her eyes studied my face. I took a step closer to her, unable to stop my hand from moving to her face, caressing her cheek before resting my hand on her neck, allowing my thumb to run over her jaw as I looked down at her.

\- "Do you know how hard I've tried to forget you?"

\- "You know I hate rhetorical questions." -she whined annoyed, pushing me back- "I obviously don't."

\- "Because you left."

\- "Yeah." -she scoffed- "I know that, no need to throw it to my face every two seconds."

\- "What I mean is, you broke my heart, Y/N. I've tried so hard to move on from you but... I just can't."

\- "And why in hell didn't you say so?" -she closed the space between us again, her eyes boring into mine with such power, I thought she might have been able to read my mind- "Why the hell didn't you tell me how you felt instead of just... letting me go?"

\- "Because I loved you."

\- "You let me go because you loved me? You stood there and watched me leave instead of running after me and telling me that? Instead of introducing that very important variable that you know damn well could have made me stay? Bellamy, that makes no fucking sense."

\- "It does."

\- "Please, tell me it's not that bullshit 'if you love something, let it go' because I don't know what I'm going to do if you say that."

\- "Y/N, I loved you and I'd have never asked you to do something you didn't want to do; especially not by using my feelings for you to get you to do what I wanted because that's manipulation. I'd never do that to you." -I reinforced, licking my lips before allowing my voice to go low, only for Y/N to hear- "You need to know... I still love you." -I felt the weight lift off my shoulders as I was finally able to say those words out loud to the only person that deserved to hear them- "If you needed to leave, I was no one to stop you then; I'm still no one now, as much as my heart aches."

\- "You were my best friend!" -she clenched her fists as her sides- "I loved you, damnit!" -tears started to form in her eyes- "I still do and I've wanted to come back for weeks but I was too scared to see you with somebody else and now that you are..."

I took her face in my hands and crushed my lips against hers, cutting her off. I didn't need to hear anything else, she had just told me how she felt and everything just...clicked. Her lips moved against mine instantly, so hungry, so passionate, so needy; her fingers tangling on my hair as I bit her bottom lip, her tongue coming out to play with mine. Fuck, I had never imagined I'd ever get to do this; I craved feeling like this, so close to her, so hers that I knew I'd do anything she asked from me. I wrapped my arms around her as we broke apart, her hands moving inside my jacket, hugging my torso and resting her forehead on my chest. I rested my chin over her head with a smile on my lips.

\- "Imagine the time you could have saved us and the tears you could have saved me if you had done just that three months ago."

\- "You needed to leave and I get that. I just wish I had told you how I felt instead of keeping quiet and suffering in silence as you disappeared in the woods. That would have saved me tears too."

\- "If it makes you feel any better," -she moved her head back to look me in the eyes- "leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever done. I never want to feel like that again."

\- "Stay with me." -I whispered, only for her to hear- "For as long as we may live."

\- "I'm not going anywhere without you. Not again."

I lowered my face to ghost her lips, whispering a quiet 'I love you' before she closed the space between us. I picked her up, making her wrap her legs around my hips as we kissed. I've never felt happiness like I felt when I was with her and I never wanted to feel anything less than that, melting into her lips, softer this time, slower... We hadn't lost three months; if anything, our time away from each other had strengthened my feelings for her. For the girl that had quietly crawled inside my skin until she made my heart hers. And now nothing would get me away from her, because this? This felt right. We were right.

**Author's Note:**

> 🌿Remember to leave me some feedback if you can, we thrive of it!🌿


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